Mamihlapinatapai

  1. (n.) “a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something that they both desire but which neither wants to begin.”
  2.  (n.) “It is that look across the table when two people are sharing an unspoken but private moment. When each knows the other understands and is in agreement with what is being expressed. An expressive and meaningful silence.”

Romance is a worn subject, in both fiction in reality, the notion of love seems a bit cliche— and yet, that doesn’t lesson the appeal. For me, personally, it teds to be a driving force in my life. It inspires me to create, I mean, after all, love can spawn a multitude of emotions, themes, and moments. I don’t believe anything is made out of thin air, I believe that every story or work of art is influenced by real life in some way, shape, or form. Or at least, everything I’ve ever made. As a matter of fact, the featured image is inspired by a song called “If I Said I Loved You” from the Pirate Queen, a musical.

The ideas I have tend to be romance driven, my most recent idea being spawned from a moment of mamihlapinatapai. A shared moment of momentum— It’s quite an endearing story if I don’t say so myself. I’ve still yet to get back into my normal blogging schedule, and it’s already past midnight. But who knows, I may post my script next week. As always, thanks for reading.

Lots of Love,

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Yet Another Update

We’ve finally wrapped up Man Of La Mancha! It’s been a tough few weeks, but I absolutely loved that production. I do feel a little empty now that it’s over, even though I’ve been cast in our productions of Almost, Maine and plan to tech for You Can’t Take It With You. There’s still a two week gap before anything, and at this point I’m just not sure what is going to drive me to do things anymore.

I mean, I’ve got quite a lot to do: complete five client briefs, film my final, and begin producing for two singers. I’ve probably bit off more than I can chew, but I know what I’m capable of when I’m determined. But the issue is, like a said, I have no driving force. There’s not much to look forward at the end of the day, no inspiration to create like I had. Regardless, I’ll try my best. Next week, blog posts should return to normal with more interesting content. If you have anything you’d like me to talk about, feel free to comment! Thanks so much for sticking around, and feel free to follow if you like my blog!

Lots of Love,

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Shut Down

It’s the first time in maybe a week that I’ve been at home for long enough to do anything but instantly pass out. The suns was today and while I wanted to be out, I really need to catch up on school work. It’s the time of the year again, my friends have told me that it’s SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but without a diagnoses I can’t really call it that.

But practically, it sort of works like my laptop in the way that when I do certain things on it, it’ll just get more and more laggy and harder to use. It’ll stay on, but will hardly function. The only way to fix it is the old fashion “turn it off again turn it on again”. Starting at the beginning of February, I slowly start to… lose it? Not my sanity, of course, but just… it. Everything? I’m not quite sure, really. My tolerance drops, my anxiety peaks, and almost everything and everyone just puts me off. Nothing seems really fun anymore. I lose my focus— even writing this post up to this point took me three days. Nothing in the past few weeks have really made me happy. I’ve skipped classes using the musical as an excuse but in all honesty I would have regardless, it’s the same with school work. But honestly the musical I’m doing (If you don’t know what I’m talking about you can read my post Dulcinea) is the only thing I’ve been able to put any thought into. It’s something that actually makes me happy now and it’s something I enjoy which is pretty great because usually at this time of the year I just spend as much time sleeping as possible.

I do have an actual history of this, going back a whiles. There are teachers that can vouch for it. I can still get myself to work amidst the seasonal depression, but like my laptop I need that old fix. I need to shut down completely: just have a period of time where I don’t need to worry about things and stop.

You know honestly, I’m not even sure if the post makes any sense, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. As always thanks for reading.

 

Lots of love,

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Dulcinea

I’ve been roped back into band affairs after six months of not really playing my flute. Last week, my convinced me to play in the pit band for our college’s production of Man of La Mancha. It’s a great musical with an amazing score (while playing the music will definitely be the death of me since opening night is this week), and I fell in love with it. Something that really struck a chord with me was the Dulcinea theme. A word that roughly translates to “sweetness,” it’s the name Don Quixote calls Aldonza upon falling for her. He refers to her as his lady, for whom he fights and dedicates his victories to— but in actuality she’s nothing more than a kitchen maid and a prostitute. The reality is: there is no Dulcinea. The woman that Don Quixote sees is not the woman that Aldonza is. Dulcinea is a symbol for hopeless devotion and unrequited love, and for some reason I just find the whole notion beautiful— to fight for someone regardless of what you’ll get in return, even if there is not possible way they can return your love.

“To each his Dulcinea
That he alone can name
To each a secret hiding place
Where he can find the haunting face
To light his secret flame

For with his Dulcinea
Beside him so to stand
A man can do quite anything
Outfly the bird upon the wing

Hold moonlight in his hand
Yet if you build your life on dreams
It’s prudent to recall

A man with moonlight in his hand
Has nothing there at all

There is no Dulcinea
She’s made of flame and air
And yet how lovely life would seem
If every man could weave a dream
To keep him from despair

To each his Dulcinea
Though she’s naught but flame and air”

Lately, I’ve been fairly stressed between my personal life and school, so I’ll be switching my weekly posts to Sundays from now on! As always, thanks for reading!
Lots of Love,
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Valentines and Pick Up Lines

If I had to explain my attitude towards Valentines Day over the course of my life in a visual format, it would probably be a solid black to pastel pink gradient. I was really bitter about Valentines Day when I was a kid— I mean, let me tell you that I’ve never had a Valentine my entire life. I was mad because I thought I nobody cared about me. As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve really started to fall in love with the little things about Valentines Day. The cheesy, nerdy, absolutely idiotic Valentines Cards and oh, I love stupid nerd-themed pick up lines.rehost2f20162f92f292f2c9a24bb-cab1-41a3-9e73-3e87c11ba7c8

Chocolate sales the day after. Roses, everywhere.  Flowers in general. The oh-so-amazing Valentines campaigns that movies and games and companies launch. My favorite game tagged me in this on twitter today:

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Tweet: You are on fire, valentine! …But you do not require an extinguisher. 💞 🔥

The live-action Beauty and the Beast team let you choose a Valentine from your favorite male actor, too! (I chose Luke Evans, since I’m a huge Hobbit fan). I love the friends that send me cute pictures, bring me things, or invite me to hang out on the day of. I don’t always say yes, but it makes me feel appreciated. I love when my dad gives my mom flowers, and then she just asks why. It’s adorable! This whole holiday brings animosity in a lot of people, but in the end it’s a day of love. Even if it takes a while I hope that those people who’re bitter about today will be able to learn to love the little things.

My experience with love as a whole subject is a blog post for another time, but I really hope everyone has a great day! Thanks so much for reading! If you like this post please give it a like and check out my blog, and if you like me please consider following me. Thanks so much! Happy Valentines Day! ♥

Lots of Love,

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Sometimes, We Just Want to be Alone

When I was 13, I met this girl named Monica. We were in San Francisco, part of a large group for a big event, and afterwards we all decided to go to Westfield which is the biggest mall in the city.

It’s been a while since I’ve gone back, but if I remember correctly it’s roughly nine stories high. But anyway, I was a very introverted child: Quiet, shy— but I took an instant liking to Monica. She gave off a very friendly air, and at first, I thought it was just because she was stuck with me (we’d split off from the group). I quickly found that wasn’t the case. Everywhere we went, she made conversation with everyone. She was beyond kind, so social, and for a shy little Asian kid it looked like magic. At that moment— and I’m not saying this for dramatic effect— I decided to change. I aspired to be like her, to make conversation with ease and come off as charismatic as she did. It took me a few years, but I did it. I’m much more talkative, fairly social, but still an introvert at heart.

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Now, people assume that I’m extreme extrovert because I’m social and like to go out, because I can easily start a conversation and make friends. And the moment I seem to not want to spend every waking second with them, they assume I’m depressed or upset. And that really isn’t the case. The introvert stereotype concludes that all introverts are anitsocial people who never want to leave home, but that’s just not the case. I was talking to an old friend of mine about this recently— people trying to make us go out and do things, or constantly be upset with us when we just weren’t in the mood to talk with them. We need time to be alone. I love my space. But when I don’t want to spend time with others, I get a lot of people being upset with me. “Are you mad at me?” “Why don’t you want to talk to me, I thought we were friends?” At which point I do get aggravated and yell at them. Because realistically, exposure to most people drains me. Because most of the time, I need to put a lot of effort into seeming relaxed.

I can be nice, I can be an angel and a therapist— but not when I’m drained. And people need to understand that.

Lots Of Love,

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